When a Parent's Love is All About Them: Coping with Narcissistic Parenting

Narcissistic parents have an excessive and self-centered focus on themselves, often at the expense of their children. They may have a grandiose sense of self-importance and believe they are superior to others. They may also have difficulty empathizing with others and require constant admiration and attention.

Some signs of a narcissistic parent include:They tend to prioritize their own needs over their children's needs.

1. They may have unrealistic expectations of their children and expect them to be perfect.
2. They may be controlling and demanding of their children and punish them harshly for perceived slights or mistakes.
3. They may have difficulty acknowledging their mistakes or flaws and blame their children for any problems in the relationship.
4. They may use their children to boost their self-esteem and may be overly critical or dismissive of their children's achievements.

The effects of having a narcissistic parent can be profound and long-lasting. Children of narcissistic parents may experience the following:

1. Low self-esteem and self-worth due to the constant criticism and lack of validation they receive from their parent.
2. Difficulty establishing healthy relationships with others due to a lack of trust and feelings of unworthiness.
3. A tendency to be overly self-critical and perfectionistic in an attempt to please their parent.
4. Anxiety and depression due to the constant stress and pressure of living with a narcissistic parent.
5. A sense of confusion and identity issues as they struggle to differentiate themselves from their parent's expectations and desires.

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Here's a questionnaire that parents can use to assess the level of their narcissistic tendencies:

1. When speaking with your children, do you tend to talk mainly about yourself and your accomplishments?
2. Do you prioritize your own needs over those of your children?
3. Do you have unrealistic expectations of your children or expect them to be perfect?
4. Do you punish your children harshly or become angry when they make mistakes?
5. Do you struggle to admit your own mistakes or apologize to your children?
6. Do you take credit for your children's achievements or use them to boost your ego?
7. Do you dismiss or minimize your children's feelings or opinions?
8. Do you become upset or angry when you don't receive constant attention or admiration from your children?
9. Do you struggle to empathize with your children's perspectives or experiences?
10. Have you put your own interests above the needs of your family in the past?

For each question, rate your response on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being "never" and 5 being "always."

After answering the questions, add up the total score. If the score is high (30+), it may be a sign that you exhibit traits of narcissism. However, it's essential to remember that this questionnaire is not a substitute for a professional diagnosis or evaluation. If you are concerned about your behavior as a parent, seeking the advice of a qualified mental health professional is recommended.

Why is it difficult to break free from narcissistic parents?

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can be really tough. Narcissistic parents can be really controlling and emotionally abusive, making it hard for their kids to establish their identities and become independent.

So why is it so hard for some people to escape their narcissistic parents? Well, there are a few reasons. 

First, kids of narcissistic parents may feel like they owe something to their parents. Their parent may have made them feel like their happiness and well-being is dependent on the parent's happiness, which can make it hard to break away.

Another reason is that narcissistic parents often make their children feel worthless or like they can't make decisions on their own. This can make it hard for kids to feel confident in their abilities and feel like they need to stay dependent on their parents.

Finally, breaking the cycle of abuse can be challenging. Kids of narcissistic parents may have grown up in an environment where emotional abuse is routine, so they might not even realize what their parent is doing is wrong. 

Hope for Kids of Narcissistic Parents 

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can seriously mess you up. You might have low self-esteem, have trouble forming healthy relationships, be really hard on yourself, feel anxious or depressed, and struggle with your identity. But here's the good news: there are things you can do to help yourself if you've had a narcissistic parent. 

✅Going to therapy is a great start.  

✅You can also set boundaries with your parent, 

✅ focus on caring for yourself,  

✅ connect with people who understand what you're going through, and  

✅practice being kind to yourself. 

Remember, you deserve to be happy and loved, no matter what kind of parent you have.🫶

Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, we pray for parents who struggle with narcissism. May they find the strength and courage to overcome their self-centered tendencies and learn to love their children selflessly. We also pray for the children of narcissistic parents, who often endure emotional abuse and trauma. May they find healing, comfort, and the ability to forgive their parents. We pray that all families may be filled with love, compassion, and understanding. May your grace and mercy be with us all. Amen.